Every day Abbey Road and I get up very early for our morning walk. Well, to be truthful, she wakes me up and I stumble out of bed to accommodate her. Last week the morning began just has they have for the last year. I wake up, I get dressed, make coffee and out the door we go. Something was obviously amiss this morning because instead of making coffee I opened the door and realized it was going to be a scorcher. I made a quick decision to walk then to avoid the heat when the sun rose. So, at 5:30 on a lovely Tuesday morning we headed out. We usually turn right on the trail, but like I said there was something strange in the air. I turned left.

Now I’d been saying to Earl what an obedient wonderful dog Abbey Rd. is and how I’ve been letting her off lead and she just stays with me always keeping her eyes on me. “It’s so cute and isn’t she the best dog ever?” We rounded the corner away from the street and I reached down and unsnapped Abbey’s lead. Off she went into the weeds with great urgency. That didn’t bother me, after all she’s obedient, she watches me, she comes when I call. Ha! Thirty minutes later the sun is rising and I still have not located her. Of course, I had come without my glasses or my cell phone and I’m thinking, “I’m going to have to go home and tell Earl that I’ve lost Abbey Rd. and he’s going to kill me!”

Quickly, I run back home, run up the stairs, grab my glasses and tell Earl in his groggy state that I have lost the dog. He jumps out of bed and heads to the trail with no shoes. We both call and whistle and all the things we’ve done for the past year to get our sweet, obedient dog to come to us. She doesn’t listen to him either. We decide to split up. I’ll go across the 27 acres to the other side of the trail and we’ll try to flush her out from either side. No avail. Finally, I see a man talking to Earl and Earl taking off to what I think is the school down the street. I cross the field toward him, but when I get there he is no where to be found. I run to the school, searching, calling, nothing. I head back home and try to think what is the next step. Flyers? Pictures on street signs? Call for a sub? What?

Just then I see Earl waving to me. When we catch up with each other he tells me that the man said he saw Abbey heading toward the neighborhood. When he got to our street, there was Abbey Rd. sitting on the front porch as if to say, “What took you so long?”

“How is she?”, I ask.

“I put her in the backyard so you could check her out before I let her inside.” He replied.

Warning bells, red flags go up. I head around the side of the house and Abbey Rd. runs to me. Before she is 20 feet away I smell the most horrendous smell. You guessed it. Skunk! It seems Peppy LaPew was the big attraction for our Abbey Rd. This is the critter that caused her to totally ignore her loving guardians?

 

I began barking out orders as only I can do in an emergency.  “Bring me the dog shampoo and google how to get rid of a skunk smell!” And I went to work washing down my obedient dog at 6:30 on a lovely Tuesday morning. Earl came with a mixture he’d found on the internet; peroxide, baking soda and liquid detergent. Abbey got a liberal amount of that solution dumped on her and another bath. Needless to say Abbey Rd. was an outside dog that day. She also was put in her kennel with the door attached for the night.

The next day more peroxide solution and I began to notice an occurance. Subtle though it might be. It had nothing to do with the lessening of the skunk smell, but rather the color of my beautiful black dog’s hair especially around her face. It seems the peroxide we have used for years to lighten our hair also works on dog’s. Abbey Rd. is now in possession of the lovliest brown/purple highlights! Some think this was her intent from the very beginning. Others think she has a bit of a rebellious streak as brought on by being owned by me. I really can’t say which it is, but I will tell you that Abbey Rd. has not been off lead since then. Nor have I been on the trail without glasses and a cell phone! Lesson learned!

My 50^th birthday was May 22, 2009. Earl surprised me with dinner at a Japanese Restaurant at West Port Plaza accompanied with my family; mom, dad, Keith, Lorilise, and Amie and Ryan. It was great fun sharing that night with them. My gift from Earl was a hot air balloon ride the following evening. Oh, boy, what fun!

May 23^rd came and past and no balloon ride because of inclement weather. We tried unsuccessfully all summer to find a date with good weather that was free on our calendar. Finally, August 14^th, Friday evening we had a date AND clear weather. We met the pilot and his crew at a commuter parking lot in South County, loaded up for a 20 minute ride to a remote site in Cedar Hill, Mo. After setting up the balloon and filling it with air, the pilot began the process of heating the air in order for it to stand upright. The balloon was beautiful with yellow, pink, blue, purple and green squares. It stood at 92’, quite a bit larger than I ever imagined. 

When the balloon was upright we were instructed to hang on the basket with all our weight to hold it on the ground. Then we were to climb into the basket on his signal. So far so good until a wind gust came along and seemed to unnerve our pilot a bit. He said, “We won’t take off in a wind gust.” And Earl and I both thought, “Here we are in the basket and we’re going to have to go home without a ride.” But soon the wind settled and off we went. I was surprised how quickly it rose over the trees and how swiftly we soared away from Cedar Hill.

We saw beautiful lands and quite a few herds of horses and cows. Most of them seemed unnerved by the sound of the propane heater blasting fire into our balloon. Some actually began to stampede. I loved the bird’s perspective of the trees and watching the people running out to see us. One man offered us a beer. Problem: how to get it to us. There was a haze over the western sky which made the hills seem black. It was pretty neat.

 When the wind began to pick up a bit, I sensed our pilot was ready to call it a day. We had just soared over a large wooded area and found ourselves over a pasture. He decided this was as good a place as any to land. How he maneuvers the balloon is fascinating and perplexing. We bumped into the field and the balloon dragged the basket toward a prickly tree. He tried to keep us away from it, but to no avail. We came to rest right against the tree and as we looked up we saw that the balloon had been punctured by a branch. The pilot asked if Earl would hop out and drag the basket away from the tree. So, of course, Earl did. All I could think about was Earl’s bad back. Still, he saved the day and got us safely away from the tree.

Now the adventure begins because when the pilot called to the chase team to come get us, there was no response. He tried again. Nothing. He pulled out his iphone to call and found he had no service. Neither did 5 of the 7 passengers. Without the iphone there was no GPS system. You can see where this is going, can’t you? One young man handed his phone over and the pilot made contact with the crew. They had lost us and had no idea where we were. So, our young friend hiked to the nearest house to get a location. What he found was that the field we were in was bordered by a creek. The nearest house was on the other side of the creek and there was a barbed-wire fence surrounding it. The lady wasn’t even curious about a 92’ balloon in a field across the way. She just wanted to know if he’d seen her dog, “black, short hair, white spot on the tail?” Very curious.

 Finally, we had a location and the crew was on its way. It was getting dark fast. It seemed like eternity standing there beating away horseflies, watching the pilot sweat, trying not to laugh, but finding it increasingly funny that Earl and I have found ourselves in another adventure. It does seem to follow us, doesn’t it? Finally, the pilot tells us that we will need to start taking the balloon down and getting things ready to load onto the trailer when it gets here. Ha! So, all 7 passengers and pilot hop out of the basket to help with the deflating and gathering up of the balloon. Passenger number 1 slips in horse manure which causes passengers 2 through 7 to take a wary look down before treading anywhere. Must we suffer this indignity? By the way, passenger number 1 was NOT Earl or me. Thank the Lord!

We see headlights and hear the sound of a horn and the clacking of the trailer coming right at us. Yay, we’re saved! Not quite so fast, sister. This thing is far from over.

 The crew stops to get permission from the lady with the dog to drive into her field to rescue us. It seems that the field we’ve been standing in for the last 45 minutes isn’t her field at all. The owner of this field is down the road and oh, the trailer can’t get to it because there is a locked gate blocking the road!

Crew member number 1 hops out of the van and heads for the house. He finds that the owner is not home and according to ‘dog’ lady won’t be back until Sunday evening. Solution? Crew member number 2 says we’ll have to hoist the balloon and basket over the fence into the trailer. All passengers’ eyes glaze over. Several of them, including me begin to look for other escape routes. Passenger number 2 suggests we leave the basket and balloon in the field tonight and the pilot and crew can retrieve it in the morning. This suggestion seems quite plausible to me, seeing how we’ve been sitting in this field for an hour and a half, it is dark and there are unknown animals creeping up on us even as we speak. That suggestion was soundly nixed by the pilot who understandably needs to protect his equipment. “Law suit, anyone?” That was what passenger number 1 was thinking. Remember? He’s the one who slipped in the horse manure. Except he didn’t use as nice a word.

We sit longer, eyeing each other and wondering how it will be to spend the weekend here. The one bottle of water they thrusted at us as we took off is long gone and unless someone is hiding gummy bears in their pocket, we have no food. Guess we could talk to ‘dog’ lady, but she doesn’t seem too hospitable.

 Now we see crew member 1 walking toward us from the right and crew member number 2 coming from the left. Crew member 2 tells us we can’t get out that way because of the barbed-wire fence. “We noticed.” Crew member 1 says he thinks he can jimmy the lock of the gate and get in that way. “Should I do that?” Are you kidding me? Get on with it, man! I think at that point passenger number 3 is contemplating murder. By the way, passenger number 3 wore flip flops. Understandably, she’s not real happy about the horse pies.

Crew member 1 goes back to the van and we wait. Soon we hear the trailer and see the headlights and he is in the field with us. At last. Now we must get the balloon back into it’s bag. Imagine a 92’ bean bag filled with air. Now imagine stuffing it into a bag the size of a Wal-Mart bag. That pretty much describes it. We all grab the balloon spacing ourselves every 2 feet, squeeze, walk forward, stuff, go to the end of the line. Grab, squeeze, walk forward, stuff, go to the end of the line. You get the idea. Finally, the balloon is in the bag and they need to secure it. They can’t see the ties because it is so dark. So, being the helpful passengers that we are, we all open our cell phones and shine our lights on the situation.

This is the moment I think I will take a picture of this situation. Isn’t it great? We’re all here helping and it’s going to be such a great story. And wait! My camera is not working, what’s wrong? I feel for it, remember it’s really dark now. The back panel is hanging open. No, don’t tell me! The camera has come open and the battery has dropped out. Somewhere in this field, more likely than not in a pile of horse manure, is my battery. It is too dark to search for it and so there it will stay until someone many years from now is excavating. “How in the Sam Hill did a Kodak camera battery get out in the middle of this field?” It will baffle archeologists for years to come. Fortunately, the memory card with the pictures I’ve taken was intact. So, I didn’t loose any of them.

Now on to the basket. It has to be hoisted onto the trailer which in my mind is a heck of a lot better than hoisting it over a barbed-wire fence. ‘Nough said.

We drive out of the field onto a dirt road that leads to a black top road that leads us to a paved one. Hallelujah! After driving some 20 minutes or so we find ourselves in a town. A real live town, with electricity and cell service! We make our way back to South County where we are treated to a toast of non-alcoholic grape juice. Seriously, man, a little alcohol might be appropriate after this trip.

 “The winds have welcomed you with softness. The sun has blessed you with his warm hands. You have flown so high and so well that God has joined you in your laughter and set you gently back again into the loving arms of Mother Earth.” Amen!

 We shook hands with the pilot who seemed more than a little relieved and headed home. What a great time we had. I love it that we rode in a hot air balloon, but I love it even more that we had this great unexpected adventure. Maybe the pilot should have charged us extra… Maybe not!

Powerscourt, Co. Wicklow, Ireland

If we say we have faith, what is the object of our faith? And is that faith warranted? Is is sure? Does it hold up in the good and bad times? Those of us who believe in God, what are those promises that get us through the seasons of our lives.? What are the promises that define us and shelter us?

Here are few that come to mind, perhaps you can think of others:

My God shall supply all your needs.     

The Lord will guard your heart and mind through Christ Jesus.

He will never leave us or forsake us.

He has a plan for us, not a plan of destruction, but of a future and a hope.

Call to Him and He will answer.

Peace He gives us, not the peace of this world, but a peace that surpasses understanding.

All things work together for good to them that love God and are called to His purpose.

So, this is just a scratching of the surface, but I hope that it gives you pause to think about the promises on which you stand and the strength that enables you to face each new day with courage and resolve.

per⋅se⋅ver⋅ance   /ˌpɜrsəˈvɪərəns/ 

–noun

1.	steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., esp. in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.

Giant's Causeway, Northen Ireland

2.	Theology. continuance in a state of grace to the end, leading to eternal salvation.

So, here’s the deal, I’m the kind of person who when sitting in a theater or restaurant for the first time looks for the exit signs. When I’m driving down the highway I sometimes think about if something happens how I will maneuver out of harm’s way. I’m usually  looking for a way out of pain. I exercise and eat right so that I won’t get diabetes. I take my meds so that I won’t have a heart attack. I go to work on time and give it my best so that I won’t be fired. Some would say these are all good things and I’m not disputing that, but I’m wondering if it might have deeper ramifications in my soul.

Scriptures tell us that:

“tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope, and hope does not disappoint”

I am specifically thinking of trials in my life that I’ve been enduring for a long time. I’m looking for the exit ramp, the contingency plan, my release from this pain and frankly, it’s not happening. I’m still stuck in the same situarion, frustrated and unable to escape. So, what’s going on?

Could it be that these trials are building in me perseverance? A steady persistence in spite

of difficulties, obstacles or discouragement? Could it be that God has a bigger goal in mind than my need to escape pain? Could it be that He desires me to have proven character? Does He know that my proven character will yield hope and that hope does not disappoint?

Okay, I know the answer; yes, yes, yes, yes and yes.

So, my encouragement to those of you who like me struggle with a long painful struggle; illness, broken dream, relationship, lack of employment, fear, addiction, let us run with determination this race we have been given to run. Let us lean on those who have been given to us for support and let us finish strong in spite of ourselves. I don’t think we’ll be disappointed.

View from the beehive hut, Skellig Michael

I feel quiet today, not quiet in the sense of nothing on my mind, but rather quiet in the sense that there just doesn’t seem to be anything to say. I seem to be assessing my life and my options. Where to go? What to do?

People keep using the word passion and honestly I wonder what mine is. Where is it that I see God? What is it that if I couldn’t do it, I’d shrivel? It seems so much of my energy is spent in trying to keep all the plates spinning and not causing a crash. I run through my life, day after day accomplishing my ‘list’, but rarely stopping to be present, to enjoy.  Sorrow is easy for my melancholy self and there just seems to be so much to be sad about these days.

Let not your heart be troubled. Trust in God. Trust also in Me.

So, I’m back to that. Trust when I can’t see. Trust when I don’t know where to turn. Trust when the sadness seems to creep up on me. Trust when the sorrow gets overwhelming. Trust.

I don’t know how it happened.  I don’t when it happened. But I know why it happened. Finally, an answer to my ‘why’. Spring has come and I don’t understand the how or when, but I do know the why.

“Praise be to the name of God for ever and ever; wisdom and power are his. He changes times and seasons.” Daniel 2:20

Spring has crept in quietly this year. The flowers are blooming, the trees unfurling their leaves. Brother Sun rises with new strength and it seems the trails are filled with new people stretching their weary bones from a long, cold season, winter.

I know I’ve made this comparison before, but I can’t help but think about our lives and the seasons we experience as we live them. There are so many seasons that we pass through. Some are spring and some are winter; some times of growth and others times of barrenness. Still all are ordained, if you like that word, by a loving Father who sees all, knows all and cherishes all. He wastes not a moment of our lives although for us it is hard to gain perspective most of the time.

“Let not you heart be troubled. Trust in God. Trust also in Me.”

Sometimes it is so hard for me to trust, but I’ve decided to take these words as a new mantra, words I say to myself. I can take this step of faith because I see that Spring has come again and I know that power and wisdom are His and He changes the times and the seasons. It seems if He can continue to change the seasons year after year then He can surely bring my seasons to pass as He wills. I need to learn to rest and trust that all is well. This season will pass whether it be spring or winter.

Trust in God. Trust also in Me. – Jesus          

“The bend in the road is not the end of the road unless you refuse to take the turn.” anon

ring of kerry, ireland

 

Amie and Ryan's Wedding Day

Earl and I have another bend in the road to contend with today. Amie and Ryan are leaving for their new position in Decatur, Illinois. And though we are very happy for them and see such good things in their future, we are saddened to have to say good-by to  our past relationship with them. We could kid ourselves and say that nothing will change by them being three hours away, but that would be a ruse. Earl and I have lived long enough and moved enough to know that things do change when we move to another location. There is something to be said about proximity.

I find it interesting in myself that when things are going well, I say that God must be blessing me and when things don’t go as planned, I try to spin it in a good light; “God must know more than I do about this situation.” And of course, if I have faith, then it is true. He does know more about the situations of my life than I do. He sees a whole picture of all the lives that surround me and He has promised that all these things will work out for my good in the end. Still sometimes it feels like a cop out to spin everything in this positive light. Sometimes I need to stop and say, “this sucks”, and there’s nothing more to it! Life has moments of pain and I can’t get around it. I am learning to explore my feelings about things, express them, deal with them and move on.

Journey, the bend in the road, the decision to take the turn.  One more time.

So, Amie and Ryan, Godspeed! I know that this is a good move for you. And you know something else? I know this move is good for me, too. What will God place in my path to replace our times? How will He fill the void of your absence? Only He knows at this point. As we all journey down these separate paths let us remember that ultimately they all meet at the same place, the throne room. See you there! Mom

It’s funny how sometimes God surprises us with moments, experiences, even words. I say surprises because they come to us unexpectedly. Suddenly we realize that He is teaching us, communicating with us and we weren’t expecting it. Our whole Ireland trip was like that. We spent two weeks there last June and we felt the whole time that He had orchestrated our time there to touch us, to speak to us, to heal us.

The day that has made the biggest impression on me was the day we visited Skellig Michael. For a bit of background, Skellig Michael is a deserted rock off the coast of Southern Ireland. You have to get off the main road of the Ring of Kerry, catch a boat, ride one hour out and then the adventure really begins. The boats only go out once a day and only if the weather is calm. To venture out with any kind of dicey weather would be to court disaster. The day we went the weather was perfect. The climb was strenuous to say the least. Many times I thought I wouldn’t make it to the top. The last 50 or so steps I was literally on my hands and knees crawling up. But then we were transported to such peace and quiet, a perch high over the ocean. Earl and I reverently saw the burial place of the monks who had lived there in the 6th century. We stepped into the beehive stone huts that they built so many centuries ago. Dry rock, no mortar and no water damage to speak of. It was a holy place. We sat and enjoyed the fresh air, the blue sparkling water, and a homemade sandwich. It was glorious. It was God.

That day was a surprise to me. I had really wanted to go, but it was a tentative plan  We didn’t know how the weather would be. But He knew and He planned that day and allowed Earl and me to experience it together with Him. Since we’ve been home I have reflected about the Skellig. It was a day that has forever changed me. It was a place of challenge,  an altar of sacrifice, a rock of healing,. There I was pushed beyond what I physically thought I could handle. There I released all the unforgiveness of the past seven years and felt the balm of the Lord soothe my wounds. I don’t know if I’ll ever be there again, that solid place in the midst of the sea, but it will live in my memory forever as a place where God surprised me.

We’ve been on a track to get Andrew in a position to join the military. Some of my acquaintances think this is a bad idea, but those who know our situation wonder if it’s not just what Andrew needs; a little discipline, a focused goal, an expected outcome, a chance to show his meddle. We’ve given advice, badgered, and cajoled. So, when we stood before the judge on Tuesday we fully expected that she would grant a suspension to his probation and free him to persue his dream of military life. Didn’t happen. Six months of working toward a moment and the opposite ruling is given. The judge wouldn’t even look up from her high lofty bench to see my son. As she walked out of the courtroom she was heard to wish him ‘good luck’. Thanks, Judge, those are words to live by. We’ll take that to heart.

Seems that judges don’t let people off probation until they’ve served at least half their time. Could no one have told us that six months ago? Are you telling me that his lawyer and probation officer didn’t know this was the policy? I am frustrated that those we pay with our taxes and those we pay to represent us are not communicating with us ordinary folks. It just seems that it is the same thing that is plaguing this country; wall street, banks, politicians. There always seems to be loop holes and unspoken policy that reach out and bite the hands of those who work hard and deal in good faith. I have to wonder who is the majority here? Am I so out of touch? Is this the American way? Take money from people, make vague promises and sneak away unscathed. Wonder what’s happened to integrity? What happened to telling “the whole truth and nothing but the truth”?

Some would say if you do the crime you have to pay the fine. I get that and that is not my beef here. I’m angry that instead of telling us up front that there was no way this was going to happen, those in authority, those who know the ‘rules’ didn’t tell us. They strung us along, took our money, and tipped their hats at us. They gave us hope and then snatched it away. They didn’t even look beyond the surface to see what we’ve been dealing with and how they could really help someone get their life on track. No, it didn’t happen. I wonder if we’d slipped the judge a little cash if the outcome would have been, could have been different. I hope not.

So, there is my raging at ‘the man’ and here is the other side. I hate this duality!

I am a woman of faith. I do believe that nothing happens that was not in the mind of God. I do believe that He loves me and desires me to come into His presence. I do believe that He is infinite and all-knowing. I do believe that He has a plan for my life and He is working these things out to enlarge me and to cause me to find peace with Him and with myself. I do believe the same is true for Andrew. Even though, Andrew doesn’t acknowledge God in his every day life, even though he has not to my knowledge bowed his knee to Him. I believe that everything that is happening to him is God drawing him and pursuing him. I believe that what God has in mind is more than I can comprehend. So, after all my raging, whimpering ranting I have come to rest here in the knowledge that all things work together for my good. These times and days are fleeting and so I come back to my core mantra, “Be still and know that I am God.” Be still; rest.

I can’t say truthfully that I always live there, but moments do come when I rest. I do quiet myself enough to hear the truth in my soul. sometimes And perhaps as the aging, maturing process of God has its way with me, I’ll find that I live in that place more often and more consistently. And in the meantime, please be patient with me because I’m having trouble getting my ‘halo’ straight.

I’m getting sick of death. I’m tired of hearing about shootings and bombs. I’m weary of violent entertainment. I loathe dead animals on the streets. I hate death! When I express my opinion people look at me like I’m crazy. It’s the circle of life they tell me, some live, some die. We all have our time. Okay, I concede that point. But it doesn’t take the sting of death away.

Yesterday a cardinal flew into our house. Yes, into the house. I love birds. Not captive, domesticated birds. I mean wild, beautiful, free, singing birds. Cardinals are way up on the list of my favorites. And you must know, my heart stopped when that crazy little thing flew in where it did not belong. I knew this was not going to be good for either one of us. Andrew grabbed a net from the garage and tried to catch him, but as you may imagine that little bird did not want to be captured and after a short fight the bird was in the net, but unfortunately he was also injured. We set him out on the deck and I prayed that he’d be okay, but not this time. This one did not survive. So tragic. One less song is being sung in my neighborhood.

Yesterday a loving family surrounded by loving friends honored and laid to rest a son. Loren Ryan was killed last week in a motorcycle accident. My son attended the wake and funeral last night. Few things have touched him like this event. All of us eventually come to this moment. This moment when we realize that life isn’t a game and serious, tragic, things happen to even the best of people. There comes this moment when we realize that all the violence we’ve seen on television and movies are just games, but there is a real violence. A real threat to us all; death. We ask ourselves, why? Why should this happen? Children should not be laid to rest before their parents and grand-parents. Children should live dreams and produce families and grow old and wise.

It is these times that I remember why I hate death so much. One less song sung. One less dream fulfilled. One more sad day added to the calendar of man. This is what makes life so meaningful; the fact that life is fragile. It can be snatched away from us in the blink of an eye. It reminds me to enjoy this moment, not to allow one day to pass without being grateful for the life that surrounds me be it bird life or dog life or human life.

It also reminds me that here in this Lenten season we have a resurrection to which we look forward. We have a Son who knows death and conquered it. This is our Hope. Birds will sing again. Love ones reunited. Death abolished for good! “Oh death, where is your victory? Oh Death, where is your sting?”

Ryan family and friends hold on to each other. Hold on to the anchor of our Hope. Rough seas are ahead, but you will be given all that you need to endure. Please know of my thoughts and prayers for you.